"Take love, multiply it by infinity and take it to the depths of forever...

... and you still have only a glimpse of how I feel for you."

- Meet Joe Black

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Your Own Room

Dear Daughter

Your room has been decorated since we moved it. Your Daddy and I set up your bed, put your sticky bugs on the walls, put away all your clothes and found spots for all your stuffies. But your still in our room...

Tonight we tried to have you sleep in your own room. It didn't go so well....For me... Up until now, you were in a bassinet in our bedroom. Right beside me. I've always been a light sleeper so I sometimes wake up even if your shuffle around in there. Your Daddy, now he could sleep through a bomb going off and it wouldn't bother him at all. I like knowing your right there. That I can lean over, hold your hand or sing your a lullaby. All without leaving the comfort of my blankets. We thought it might be a good time to "test the waters" so to speak and bring you to your own room for a night. See how it goes.

We followed the books instructions. Kept with routine. We bathed you, changed you, read to you. I fed you and burped you and then lay you down. I kissed you goodnight and turned off the light. And for a few hours I was fine. Your Daddy and I watched a video before going up to bed. I stood in your doorway long after your Dad had turned out the lights. I just watched you sleep for a little bit then made my way to bed.

But I couldn't sleep. Too many thoughts running through my head. 'what if the monitor wasn't working properly'? or 'OMG I didn't take the bumper pads off...I CANT leave the friggin bumper pads on.'.. I felt like I was having a mini panic attack. You were only five feet down the hall, we had the monitor on (it worked) and I knew...KNEW ...you were going to be fine. But I wasn't. I wasn't ready. So I got up, crept into your room and lifted you from your crib. You didn't wake while I put you into your bassinet. After that I finally fell asleep. Now here we are. It's so early the sun hasn't even come up yet. Heck, your not even up for the day yet. But I can see you. Your started to do that 'stretchy, face contorting, yawning' thing you do about ten minutes or so before you actually wake up.

So, so what if we (I) didn't make it last night. Your still my baby, and until WE are ready, you can sleep anywhere we want you to. Soon you will move to your own room and once that transition is over, it's over. You wont be there for me to watch, to see you do the "hungry bird" thing. For me to reach over, and hold your little hand just cause I can. But.... I'll be ready. One day.  For now...I just want to watch you sleep.

I love you Baby Girl
Always and Forever

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