"Take love, multiply it by infinity and take it to the depths of forever...

... and you still have only a glimpse of how I feel for you."

- Meet Joe Black

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Just An Ordinary Day...

Dear Daughter

I have this email framed in our house. It was given to me when I was pregnant with you to remind me that I'm not 'Just' A Mom'. That I am a person. A woman. A wife.  That being a parent is hard work, but it is soo worth it. Over the past year I have also read many emails, posts and status updates stating the ups and downs of parenthood. I've also read the questions/complaints from some who are not parents and wish to know 'what we SAHM 'DO ALL DAY'.(eat bon bons and watch our soaps?)

So here goes.....

A Day in the Life of one Mackenzie-Jade Elizabeth....&Mama

  • 5:30 am Daddy stumbles, curses and trips his way up in the morning. He has a shower, and then returns to kiss Mama goodbye before he leaves. (and because Mama is such a light sleeper, she is the one who actually turns off the alarm clock and wakes Daddy)
*Side Note: Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
  • The minute your Daddy closes the door you wake up for the day with "UH AHH UGGHH AWWWEEEIIII UH UH UH". (in various sounds and decibels) I also hear a news/sports broadcast that the monitor picks up from who knows where.
  • I  stumble, curse and trip out of bed because the lamp is on HIS side and it is still dark out. I make my way to your room and look over the edge of the crib....and there you are! My beautiful girl. Just smiling and waving your arms, ready to great the day.
  • Baby wrestling/Bum Changing/ Mr Sun Song begins, and is repeated until finished. 
  • Change you, I get dressed, START COFFEE, make bed, make breakfast, then feed you  while eating breakfast.  (Wipe crumbs off your head.)
  • Play Time! This entails tummy time, reading books, going for walks, staring at the ceiling, reading the same book again, tickle time, 'Don't touch that's, raspberries, funny faces, "Say Mama", and toys that make WAAYYY TOO MUCH NOISE......just to make you smile.
  • Daily To-Do's while your gurgling at the probably over priced, plastic toy of the moment......Unloading dishwasher, rinse dirty dishes, reload dishwasher, sweep, mop, towel, rub down, pick up clothes, start laundry, fold laundry and put away. Come running at you for a surprise attack tickle, vaccume .....WHEN DOES IT END!!!
  • First Nap = Awwwww Bliss!  This can last anywhere from ten minutes to an hour. Id like to say I use this time productively and either a)nap or 2) start dinner blah blah blah. Nope. I do nothing. Just sit. Sometimes I might read, or be a little craftier with crochet or scrapbooking or journaling. Mostly I just put my feet up and listen to....nothing. its fabbity fab fab fab
  • Your Awake! Baby wrestling/Bum Changing/Tickling commences. Repeat as necessary!
  • More Milk! More Mushed Food! More Play! 
  • Phone calls, take out something for dinner, letter writing, paying bills and Exersaucer Time! (This this is amazing, you love it so much. Baby essentials= exersaucer + swing + bouncer  More Tummy Time, practice standing/walking, peak a boo and other silly shenanigans.
  • Time to go out! We usually do one of the following....Go to Library for Babies in the Library (Tuesdays and Thursdays), Drop In at the Community Centre (Mondays, Wednesday and Fridays), Park to (depending on season) roll in grass, snow or watch other screaming kiddies. Play dates, running errands or shop browsing. (being we live in a town of around 6000 our choices are limited)
  • Nap Time # 2! Your awesome at going to sleep. I bring  you in, give you 'Moo Cow', give you yoru blankie and smother you in kisses and you just roll over and pass out.
  • This is where I make another cup of coffee and usually waste time on either Facebook, my blog or work on crochet orders.  Did I mention that I taught myself how to crochet while I was pregnant. I wanted to make you something special for when you were born. It kind of escalated into a Stay At Home Mama Side Business (Incoming plug....Visit Made With Love Handmade Gifts on Facebook to see our Homemade Goodies!!! http://www.facebook.com/pages/Made-With-Love-Handmade-Gifts/232157200172290 he he he!
  •   Awake Again!!!  Baby wrestling/Bum Changing/Tickling commences. Repeat as necessary!
  • More Milk! More Mushed Food! More Play! 
  • Start Dinner. Play music and sing (badly) and dance around (even more badly) to entertain you.
  • Daddies Home Yay! Hugs, Kisses and Cuddles for everyone!!!
  • The next hour is usually a bit of  Eating-Catching up on day-movie watching (we don't have cable) Playing with you- More hugs and kisses (for me and you)
  • Bath Time!!! This is one of your favorite things to do. You splash, kick laugh always with a smile on your face.
  • Now that you smell all babylicious, it's time to be fed, read and in bed. This is one of MY favorite times. Not because you are going to sleep and I get Daddy all to myself (though this is nice) It is because we have our whole routine down. Daddy changes you into  pjs
  • Your Daddy and I then get to spend some quality time together cuddled on the couch.
  • AND....Between ALLL of this things here I'm.......... * Giving Constant Attention * Answering your coo's and cry's *Having only two arms with one baby, diaper bag, keys, sippy cup, and blankie. Plus other various other  essentials for even the quickest trip. *Staying one step ahead in case your hungry, tired or board. Any of which will result in checkout line screaming at the library * It's being your teacher, mentor, friend, nap advisor, cook, maid, reading buddy, stroller driver, toy-picker-upper......
I'm a "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.".....

"I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't), in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (the whole darned family), and a Major Credit, (you, baby girl). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."

Anyway, there are probably a hundred little things that I forgot to mention, but I wanted to show you and others that being 'Just a Mom' is not an easy thing. We have days that are more hectic then others but we are always on duty.

The best thing about my day though....is you. I get to spend my days (and sometimes my nights) with you sweet baby girl. I get to see your first smile in the morning, and hear your laughter when you play. I get to see a long of your 'firsts' and can video tape them all for everyone to see. Parents who stay home are lucky that way. They get to spend all day with little bundles like you, that are reason for living.

I love you Baby Girl
Always & Forever 

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Bucket List

Dear Daughter

I overheard a friend of mine talking to a few others about their "Bucket List" last week. I had never heard of it before, so I asked them. It's their "Before I Kick The Bucket" List! Of Course! I've probably said......." Oh I would LOVE to do __________ before my times up..." But I have never wrote it down. Which is crazy!

I'm a list maker! I journal, love sticky notes, still use snail mail at least once month and had a secret paper with baby names on it from when I was 11 hidden in my jewelry box.

But I still hadn't started a Bucket List. I thought about it an decided that their are just too many things I want to do. So instead, I made my Life List! My Life List isn't just for things I want to do, but who I want to be. Who I want to be for you. Things I want to do together. Things I want to see, hear, taste, touch....

So here it is......Here is my Life List (in no particular order at all...just as they came to me)

-Grow old with your Daddy (sappy I know, but it's true)
-For once...finish all the laundry
-Always try to new things
-Build a house
-Buy a really expensive bottle of champagne to celebrate something
-Sample some escargot...and order it like I do it all the time
-Compete in a marathon
-Cultivate a successful vegetable garden (and by successful...I want things to actually grow!)
-Be generous/volunteer more
-Be really really surprised
-Get a family photo shoot done outdoors
-start new traditions
-Continue old traditions
-Start a 'Family History/Traditions/Memory"Book
-Go on a cruise
-See You, my Sweet Baby Girl graduate/get married/have babies etc
-Learn to two step...(so I look like I know what Im doing)
-See the look on your face when your Daddy wins his next race!
-Make a pie...from scratch...no cheating
-Record a cd of my letters to my baby girl so she will always remember my voice
-Watch you meet Ariel at Disney world for the first time
-Win  on a scratch ticket
-when you reach 48", drop everything and go to an amusement park and ride every ride there
-Have a 'whole family meal' (in-laws, aunts/uncles and GG's)
-Go to Ireland and walk among the ruins
-Feel the trunk of a baby elephant
-Finish all my scrapbooks....that I already have started
-develope each and every picture, and keep them in photo boxes
-Figure out how to make Gramma's Ham Sauce.....or start a bottling company and sell hers on Ebay
-Rock Out to Great Big Sea Live in a small pup in NFLD
-Skype more with family
-Maybe....Possibly...By the Grace of God....Give you a little brother or sister
-Bottle feed a monkey
-Be 75 years old and still walk hand-in-hand with your Daddy
-Be the Best Mom that I can be
-Learn how to make something practical
-Spend a week at Knoxville Nationals and give your Daddy the BEST vacation ever!
-Live in a house, city or province for more then a handful of years
-Learn to make something SOOOO YUMMY that people ask for it at every party
-Tell you I love you everyday. Followed by kisses and hugs

There it is! My Life List!
I know you might not think this list is very exciting, but I don't need to "be a rock superstar, live large, with a big house and 5 cars" and I don't need to go "sky diving, or rocky mountain climbing" and I definitely don't need to "go 2.7 seconds on a Bull named Fu Man Chu"

I guarantee you I will add to this list over time. That there will always be things I want to do, see hear etc. I also know that I probably wont do everything on this list. (That Ham Sauce is my enemy) But you know what Baby Girl, that's ok. I'm ok with that. This list will always be changing. Adding and subtracting. There are only a few things that I need in my life. You are one of them. You and your Daddy, happy and healthy by my side is all I really need. The rest, is just icing on the cake.

I love you Baby Girl
Always & Forever

Friday, November 4, 2011

If Tomorrow Never Comes...

Dear Daughter

I just finished a journal entry about the "Soundtrack of my Life" the other day, and I was pretty happy with the outcome. I'v even mentally added a few more since then. On my mental list, I have "If Tomorrow Never Comes" by Garth Brooks. I love this song for two reasons. One, I LOVE Garth Brooks. Each of his songs tells a story, and makes you just want to sing along. Secondly, because that song inspired me to write a promise for you. More like a daily affirmation.

A Mother's Prayer

My Sweet Baby Girl is my life.
She is my heart. My soul. My reason for being.

When I look at her, I see the future. I see the possibilities to come. The changes she will make. I see all the things she has yet to learn, and all the things she has. I see determination. And I see love.

When I hold her precious body close to mine, I breath in the scent of promise of her tomorrow, intermingled with the soft sweetness of her today.

So if tomorrow never comes, I hope she knows how much I love her.

If I am feeling tired after a long day; Let me be reminded that 'Yesterday is History. Tomorrow is a Mystery. But Today...Today is a Gift". So sleep later! Now is for hand holding, Eskimo kisses and cuddles. Spend more time reading the same book ten times. Spend more time 'tasting' foods that she gives me. Spend more time walking hand in hand in the early morning.

Because if tomorrow never comes, she  will know how much I care.

If I'm feeling a little stressed. Let me be reminded that at the end of the day; all the matters is that she happy and healthy. The dishes can wait, the laundry will  be there tomorrow, and we can always order take out. Soak up as much 'baby eating', 'toe tickles' and cuddles is Mama's lap as I can.

So that if tomorrow never comes, she will know she's my only one.

Because if tomorrow never comes, I want to know that I didn't waste a minute with her. So cut down on the 'maybe laters', the 'not agains'  and the 'another day, I swears'. Do them now. Today.

Because if my time on earth is through, and she must face the world without me; May the Love I gave her in the past, be enough to last. If Tomorrow never comes.

Because I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I pray we use the absolute most that we can out of today. I hope she smiles and dances. I hope she learns and grows. I hope she goes to bed exhausted because today was such an adventure. And I hope that I never go to sleep with regrets.

So, my Sweet Baby Girl....If I only have today; I want to tuck you in more tightly and watch you fall asleep. I want to have your laugh on video so that I can replay it over and over. I want to say I love you a hundred times. I want to run my fingers through your hair. and I want to give just one more kiss, before I turn out the light. 

I love you Baby Girl
Always & Forever

Here is the song...just for you

If Tomorrow Never Comes-By Garth Brooks

Sometimes late at night 
I lie awake and watch her sleeping 
She's lost in peaceful dreams 
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark 

And the thought crosses my mind 
If I never wake up in the morning 
Would she ever doubt the way I feel 
About her in my heart 

If tomorrow never comes 
Will she know how much I loved her 
Did I try in every way 
To show her every day 
That she's my only one 
If my time on earth were through 
And she must face the world without me 
Is the love I gave her in the past 
Gonna be enough to last 
If tomorrow never comes 

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life 
Who never knew how much I loved them 
Now I live with the regret 
That my true feelings for them never were revealed 

So I made a promise to myself 
To say each day how much she means to me 
And avoid that circumstance 
Where there's no second chance 
To tell her how I feel 

If tomorrow never comes 
Will she know how much I loved her 
Did I try in every way 
To show her every day 
That she's my only one 
If my time on earth were through 
And she must face the world without me 
Is the love I gave her in the past 
Gonna be enough to last 
If tomorrow never comes 

So tell that someone that you love 
Just what you're thinking of 
If tomorrow never comes 

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Every Life Has A Soundtrack...All You Have To Do Is Listen

Dear Daughter

Recently I read a thought provoking book by Jodi Picoult called 'Sing You Home'. I have found that all of her books bring out strong emotions and make you 'think'. In this book, she says that 'music is the language of memory', and I really believe that. Why else would hearing a song pull you right back to a specific time or place. It can make you remember, and relive a moment of your life so clearly, like your there all over agian.  So I took a moment to think about some of my 'moments'.

So here it is, the Soundtrack of my Life...

Sesame Street-Elmo and Friends-"Can you tell me how to get / how to get to Sesame Street?"  
-This brings me back to the time of Sunday morning cartoons, sing along's and when watching a program on t.v. was actually educational. I still remember the songs, and it makes me yearn for those times that were so simple and care free.

River of Dreams-Billy Joel- "In the middle of the night I go walking in my sleep / Through the desert of truth to the river so deep / We all end in the ocean, we all start in the streams /We're all carried along by the river of dreams / In the middle of the night"
-This tune reminds me of being a little girl and dancing on my Daddy's feet. Him holding me tight, and 'waltzing' around the living room. To this day I get a little weepy and very nostalgic. I love and miss him everyday. This song brings me closer to him.

Step By Step- New Kids On The Block-"Step by step / ooh Baby / Gonna get to you girl / Step by step / ooh Baby / Really want you in my world"
-This was my JAM! I just played this on you tube and could not stop laughing. Also, it makes me wanna 'Hammer Time' .
I LOVED them. I mean like crazy-sleeping bag-barbie dolls-posters on the cieling-sing it in my sleep kinda love. They were the first cassette that I ever received and I swore that one day, I was going to marry Jordan.

Fantasy-Mariah Carey-"Oh when you walk by every night / Talking sweet and looking fine / I get kind of hectic inside / Oh baby I'm so into you / Darling if you only knew / All the things that flow through my mind / But it's just a..."
-This song makes me think of me and my friends in elementary school. We used to draw faces on our chin's, flip upside-down and video tape ourselves singing this vary loudly, and very dramatically. Don't think that's funny, you tube it and then tell me that it's not HILARIOUS!

Beautiful-Christina Aguilera-I am beautiful no matter what they say / Words can't bring me down / I am beautiful in every single way / Yes, words can't bring me down / So don't you bring me down today"
I needed a song that expressed how I and many others felt during the craziness I call high school. Singing these lyrics made me feel beautiful, even when others didn't.

Anything by Dr. Hook- My mother would sing to it while she cleaned. I can remember clearly, her moving around the house, singing so passionately. She knew all the words. Now, so do I; and I do the same.

Little Moments- Brad Paisley-"Well I'll never forget the first time that I heard / That pretty mouth say that dirty word / And I can't even remember now what she backed my truck into / But she covered her mouth and her face got red  / And she just looked so darn cute / That I couldn't even act like I was mad / Yeah I live for little moments like that"
-This isn't even 'Our Song'.(meaning your Daddy and I) But it totally defines the beginning of our relationship. We are COMPLETE opposites. We really had nothing in common.. He's all tattoos-cars-partying-race car driver-bad boy kinda guy and I'm all craftaholic-church goer-baker-puzzle maker kinda girl. But he and I have a million 'little moments' since we started dating way back in high school, and I pray for a million more.

Dance with my Father-Luther Vandross-  "If I could get another chance / Another walk, another dance with him / I’d play a song that would never, ever end / How I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again "
-My Daddy, your Poppy, passed away when I was a teenager. It happened very suddenly, and I would give ANYTHING to have just another moment with him. I don't think a person ever gets over loosing someone they love. The pain gets easier to live with day to day, but it never goes away.

At Last-Etta James- "At last / My love has come along / My lonely days are over /  and life is like a song / ohh yeahhh at last
-The day I married your Daddy was a dream. We had simplistic/oldschool feel to our wedding, and it was perfect. This was our first song we dance to as 'Man and Wife'. He still dances with me in the kitchen, outside, the mall etc lol Pretty much anywhere. I am one lucky lady.

Isn't She Lovely-Stevie Wonder-Isn't she lovely / Isn't she wonderful / Isn't she precious / Less than one minute old / I never thought through love we'd be / Making one as lovely as she / But isn't she lovely made from love"
-The day you were born, I couldn't stop smiling, laughing and singing.I could not believe that you were there, in my arms, my little miracle baby. 

Mr Mom-Lonstar-"Well! / Pampers melt in a maytag dryer / Crayons go up one drawer higher
Rewind Barney for the fifteenth time / Breakfast six, naps at nine / There's bubble gum in the baby's hair
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair / Been crazy all day long and it's only Monday, Mr. Mom"

-This song is a little bit of a replica of our lives, except I'm the one with you during the day, and you become a little angel when your Daddy comes home. Smiling angelically and cooing at him. You Stinker!

In My Daughters Eyes-Martina McBride-I"n my daughter's eyes, I am a hero / I am strong and wise, / And I know no fear. / But the truth is plain to see / She was sent to rescue me, / I see who I wanna be / in my daughter's eyes"
-You smiled at me one morning, and changed my world completely. Again. I love you

Live like you were dying-Time McGraw-I went sky diving / I went rocky mountain climbing / I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu / And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter / And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying / Some day, I hope you get the chance / To live like you were dyin'" 

-I've been asked why I started writing you letters. Why I felt the need to keep every moment of your life on record. Why it was so important to share them. 

Here is my response........"I pray, that the day never comes that I wont remember. That I wont be able to recall how I met your Daddy, your first laugh, your first steps, my wedding day etc. But as life tends to do, we get thrown curve balls. So when  my day comes, I want to be able to look back, read these letters and experience these moments all over again. To feel the love...heart, body and soul that I felt then. I share them because when that day comes, you and everyone that reads them will help me remember. Help me feel. Help me experience the  moments one letter at a time.

So there it is. A few of the gazillion songs that I love, and remind me of places, people and moments in my life. I will keep adding to this list as the years go by, and hope one day, you will add your two cents as well. As I've said before, listen to the music, pay attention to the lyrics, and remember. One day you can look back, and laugh/cry/reminisce like I do.

I love you Sweet Baby Girl
Always And Forever

PS.... here a few Honorable Mentions that stick out in my mind.....(Or some 'what was I thinking' kind of songs)

What a wonderful world-Louie Armstrong-Makes me open my eyes wide, and appreciate.
Lets Talk About Sex- Salt N Peppa-C'mon Ladies, Sing it!
Your the one that I want!-Olivia Newton John and John Travolta-Because Grease Rocks
Angel-Shaggy-6 Words....Birthday Party...B.Y.O.B...(nuff said)
Gimme that smile-Trevor Panczak-I sang this over and over to calm you at night.
Waterfalls-TLC-Air Band Anyone???
Grow old with you-Adam Sandler- This is how I feel about your Daddy
Bohemian Rhapsody-Queen-Fun good ol' fashioned head bangin' song.
White Christmas-Big Crosby-Things that come to mind...Home Alone, Christmas Baking, Snow Angels and Decorating the tree!
Don't Stop Believin'-Journey-I love GLEE! lol
I like big Butts and I cannot lie-Sir Mixalot-Every knows the words. Dont lie!
Butterfly Kisses-Bob Carlisle-LOVE this! Makes me cry. 
Still counting the days-Goldfinger-High school drama + remembering Dad
Walkin on Sunshine-KC and the Sunshine Band-Hearing this song makes me want to dance.        
                                                                                     Everytime. Anywhere.