"Take love, multiply it by infinity and take it to the depths of forever...

... and you still have only a glimpse of how I feel for you."

- Meet Joe Black

Friday, January 28, 2011

Once In Every Life

Dear Daughter

Music is Beautiful.
It can make you smile when your sad, cry when you really a need a good "Self Pity Party", and put you in the mood for all of your adventures. Through this you will find that I post many of my favorite quotes, poems and song lyrics. They help me keep memories fresh in my mind whenever I hear them. Here is just one of many.


"Once In Every Life"

Once in every life
Love should leave you without a choice
Where the only thing right
Is to follow that still small voice
Once in every day
It should take your breath away
Once upon a time
Should happen once in every life

Once you give it your heart
Without holding back your soul
You can dance in the dark
Cause you're never there alone
Once in every hour
You should feel that healing power
Once upon a time
Should happen once in every life

Once it's stronger than you
There's nothin' else you can do
You stop asking why, just let yourself fly

Once in every life
Love should feel so good you cry
And your only release
Is releasing three small words
Once you hear them out loud
You feel heaven coming down
Once upon a time
Should happen once in every life

Once upon a time
Should happen once in every life

I heard this song the first times many, many years ago. It reminded me of how I feel for your Daddy. After all these years he still makes me feel like a young woman  crushing after her high school sweetheart. Your father is more eloquent then I but to paraphrase him..."My Heart belongs to You. Whether its a special occasion or just an ordinary so-lucky-you're-in-my-life day. Whether we're laughing together or talking about our worries. Whether we're (you) are being moody or sensitive, crazy or romantic. The truth is, it doesn't matter what or when or how or why. Every day, in every way, I Love sharing life with you."  Sometimes I am in awe, that he chose me. The so un-coordinated, freckle face red head girl, who reads, makes crafts, does puzzles and bakes for fun. Today is your Daddy's birthday. Do Mama a favour and Thank Him. For being so smart and picking me.

So, to get back to my point, in the future.... Listen to the lyrics. The melody. The cadence. Let it hold memories for you.  And remember, "Once Upon A Time, Should Happen Once In Every Life."

I Love you Little Girl
Always and Forever

Written: 08/28/2010

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

You Smiled Today

Dear Daughter

We had a pivotal moment today. All mothers know it. It's that one just before 6 am. When I feel just so exhausted that I want to cry and that all the coffee in Columbia wont make me a morning person at this point. I am praying to everyone who will listen for you to give me just 5 more minutes of sleep, but of course that wont happen. So I threw off the covers, tip toed over to your bassinet and peaked over the edge. You turned your head and looked at me. Not in my direction, but AT ME.

Then you smiled.

You smiled! I assure you it wasn't one of those "I've got gas" smiles that people say. It was a "Your Here!" smile. Your eyes lit up, your cheeks puffed out and your little dimples popped to the surface. (You get them from me you know) There you were kicking your little legs. Swinging your arms, and all I could think was. This is it. This is my reason for living. It's her.

Just thought you should know because it was a  moment for me.This was the moment that I knew that you could wake me up at 6 am everyday for the rest of your life and I would feel blessed beyond measure.

I Love You Little Girl
Always and Forever

Written: 08/22/2010

Watching Over You

Dear Daughter

Today is  my Daddy's Birthday. That's your Poppy.
Normally today is a very sad day for me because he is no longer here with us. Usually on this day, I get out the balloons and throw  myself a little 'Pity Party" for what I don't or wont have. Today I felt different.
Because of you. Instead of thinking about what I was missing, I thought about what I am so very lucky to have. Memories; and these I can share with you.

Like the times when Daddy would come home from work and declare that I had a new freckle; and we just had to name it.

How he would tickle me till I gasped with laughter with "The Drill", "The Hook", and "The Claw".

About the time he started a water fight in the house.

Or the time he held me while I cried my eyes out when our dog Riley ran away.

He used to send Big 3 Foot Birthday cards to my school every year that said
HAPPY BIRTHDAY POOPER in big bold letters. At the time I thought I would die of embarrassment. Now, I'd do anything for one more card.

He used to scold me when I used the word "Frig" because he "knew exactly what I am really saying".

I remember sitting on his lap in his favorite chair ( that tilted to one side) and watching the hockey game.

And the way he used to pack my lunches like I was going on a 3 day safari.

I remember dancing on his toes to Billy Joel's "River of Dreams". Hearing the song play still makes me smile, and cry, to this day.

He hated getting his picture taken.

Loved chocolate covered cherries. (Like Me)

He would sit in the sun for hours.

He loved camping. The real kind with tents and Coleman stoves.

I remember he laughed a lot. He was always telling jokes or making everyone around him laugh.

He had dozens of tattoos.

He enjoyed bowling.

Before he was gone. He used to joke with me. Ask me when I'm going to make him a Poppy. Told me to get on it, before he was too old to enjoy it. I know if he was here. He would love you more then anything.

What I remember most though. Out of everything. Is that he loved me. He showed in in his kiss good morning. His bedtime stories at night and his Piggy back rides all over the house. 

You might not get to meet him in person, but he is always there Baby Girl. Watching over you.

I love you Little Girl
Always and Forever


Monday, January 17, 2011

Say Thank You

Dear Daughter

Thank You.

Two very simple words that could mean so very much to someone. These two words, when coming from the heart can leave an everlasting impression on someone. It not only shows the feeling of gratitude, but the person can really understand the appreciation coming from you.

Use these words in your life. Along with many others I will get to but these are especially important because before you were even here you were loved. Family, friends,clients and co-workers all cared about you and your well being. Daddy and I Thanked them for you, and when your older. You can thank them too.

Thank your Gramma Pyle. For flying out west to be with us. For cooking, cleaning, loving and advising. For being there when Mama needed a hand to hold, or squeeze. For giving you baths, hugs, kisses and smiles. Without her, Mama and Daddy would have gone mad. Thank Her.

Thank your Family. For all the cards, gifts, phone calls and posts. Even though they all live so far away, they were there in their own way. They were there with late night phone calls to answer the question "So I'm pregnant, Now What?" Or to say "Your Beautiful" when I could no longer see my feet. They were there to ease worries and talk through concerns. Thank Them

Thank any friends or acquaintances of Mama and Daddy's. They were there to take us to lunch when I just HAD to have fruit. Or when I HAD to have poutine. They called, stopped by, and invited us out when we were feeling the pressure. They kept us sane when things didn't follow the 'What to Expect Book' like we were expecting. Thank Them

For all the things you were given. Which were many. MANYmanymanymany. We couldn't have done this alone. So remember to say Thank You. When someone goes out of their way to make your day better. Thank Them, and let them know their loved.

For the record. I thank your father, and the Lord above for giving me you. You are a miracle. Your our miracle.

I love you Little Girl
Always and Forever

Written: 08/01/2010

Your Home

 Dear Daughter

You came home today. Technically I guess it was yesterday as its' now about 2 O'clock in the morning. I was sitting here in bed unable to sleep. Just watching you sleep. Your father is next to  me, out like a light. You sleep like him you know. When your out, your out! Anyway, I was here, watching you and I started to cry. The good kind. Unfortunately "good" or "bad" cries end the same way. With a red blotchy face. My emotions, all my emotions are attached to my tear ducts. You get that from me. Sorry about that. :)

So I was there crying. Your just so small and fragile. Completely depending on us for everything. And for a moment I was just so scared. I want to do this right for you. The "Mom" thing. No , I need to do this right for you. For so long. I wanted to be a good wife and good mother. When we were told it couldn't ever happen. I was devastated. Guess we proved them wrong didn't we kid.

So me being me. I made a list. You'll notice in the future that I do that. A lot. I made a kind of check list.
  • Say I love you everyday! (even when I might not like you very much when your up at 3 am)
  • Kiss, hug and hold you.
  • Never fail to remind you how important you are. That YOU MATTER
And of course. The silly things... Always kiss you Good Night, read to you, sing silly songs, braid your hair, count your bruises and name your freckles if you get any. ( Your Poppy used to do that everyday)

What I'm trying to say is. I guess. I can promise you there will be times when your not happy with me. That one or both of us will walk away from the other thinking "Your Impossible". But I can also promise you I will always listen. I will always try my hardest.
Most of all. I will love you for as long as I live, and beyond.

I Love you Little Girl
Always and Forever

Written: 07/21/2010

The Day You Were Born

Dear Daughter

I was sitting here holding you in my arms, and I just couldn't stop staring at you.I had you all to myself for the moment. Daddy and Gramma had gone home to rest for a bit. You were making this little "bird" face. You know, the "I'm hungry and searching for the milk thing" look. After I fed you, you fell blissfully asleep. Not a care in the world except when you got fed, changed and held.

So here it is. My first note to you. Mackenzie Jade Elizabeth Pyle. Not just a thought, or feelings. But my daughter. My little girl. Lets begin with how you came to be. Not "howww" you came to be, that one's for later. This one is about when we finally got to see your pretty face.

You were born on a sunny morning in July. I'm just assuming it was sunny because I hadn't seen the light of day since the day before, but I'm told it was beautiful out. I actually went into labor the day before, the 18th of July. My contractions started around noon, though I didn't tell your Daddy or Gramma right away because I thought it should "hurt" more. Ha...trust me. It changed. And it did. Your father and I spent the day going for walks, cracking jokes with Gramma and trying to "make" you come early with labour inducing foot massages. After a yummy steak dinner with Daddy, Gramma and Uncle Chris, I started timing, silently. I tried to keep it from your Daddy for as long as I could.

I'm going to skip the bits in the middle of this story because it involved a lot of not talking from me, and a lot of "it's going good" from your Dad. I did speak up to ask everyone and their sister whocame through the hospital room door for some drugs. At the time, I REALLY wanted that epidural. Heck, I would have settled for a bop on the head at that point. But alas, I heard the dreaded words from the Dr. "Nope, no time Shannon. This baby is coming now. You'll be fine." She said this with a big toothy smile that I detested. All I could thinks was "There's time. I swear there's TIME. Please let there be time. Drugs. Please. I'll wait." But of course, she couldn't hear my inner screeching.

She was right though. Not long after, you came into the world. I know its cliche, people always say, as soon as the baby is born, all pain stops. Now, five minutes before I wouldn't have believed it. But its true. So true. All of a sudden there you were. So small. So precious. Fragile. I looked at your Daddy. We all had tears in our eyes. I thought. "We did that. We made her." There is this overwhelming surge of love, happiness and panic all at the same time. Part of that is the endorphins that my body released, but most of it was definitely looking at you. You were 7lbs and 7ounces. 20 inches long. You had a touch of jaundice but nothing to worry about.

I swear I didn't get a wink of sleep last night. Daddy slept on the pull out bed. (although we didnt' figure how to make it a bed till today, so it was a pull out chair for now) I haven't  had more then an hours sleep in over 36 hours. You would think I was running on empty but I was still kinda of giddy with all this HAPPY I had flowing around in me. You had plenty of visitors. Everyone wanted to hold you. I let them....reluctantly :)

The thing you should really remember about this day though. Besides the incredible Awesomeness that is your Mama. Is that your Daddy was absolutely amazing. He was steady like a rock. Risking permanent fractures he held my hand the whole time. He encouraged me and gave me my strength. (until I politely uttered the words....Shhhhhh) I couldn't have done this with out him and your Gramma Pyle there with me.

So, that is the story of how you were born. It all happened one sunny, Monday morning at 8:33

I love you Little Girl
Always and Forever

Written: 07/20/2010

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Remind Me to Tell You About...

Dear Daughter

There are so many things I want to tell you about and things I want to remember. Remind me later to tell you the details.

Like the day your father and I found out that you were "Under Construction" (celiac disease my butt!)
Or the first time we heard your heart beating and cried.
The first time Daddy felt you move in side my belly.
Or the first time we saw my tummy move. Very Creepy...in a lovable and scary sort of way.
There were the hours that I spent just fascinated with your movement. (somersaults and kicks too)
And the crazy "WOW" feeling of realizing you really are in there. Against all the odds.

I want to tell you about who we told about you first.
And how we picked your name.
I want to show you pictures of the changes you caused in me.
And how excited I was to get "badges of honour" or stretch marks.

My cravings, moodiness and obsessions are a story and a half.
And you need to hear how spoiled you were before you even entered the world.
I want to tell you of how you were conceived out of so much love between your Daddy and I. (even thought the Ick factor might put you off)

And then, soon anyways, I will be able to tell you of how you were born.
With luck,( and a lot of drugs ) you will enter the world happy and whole. Ten fingers and Toes.

But all of this can wait. They'll make good bedtime stories.

I love you Little Girl
Always and Forever

Written: 06/18/2010

I Promise You

Dear Daughter

There is a million and one things I wish for you. I can't promise them all for you, but here are a few of them that I can.

I promise at least once a day to get down on the floor and be a total idiot with you.

I promise to celebrate your voice and let you hoot like a monkey, shriek like a banshee and be a happy goofball like the rest of us. I'll make sure to happily distract you with quiet fun if we're not someplace that would appreciate the wounded coyote song, but I'll make sure to do it in such a fun way that you really won't mind.

I promise to talk to you a lot, to point out everything in our world and remember how new and exciting it all is.

I promise to teach you how to be the kind of child and person who people will love to be around. I will have high standards for you, but never too high to attain.

I promise to teach you how to find your own happiness so you never need more men, money, or friends to find joy in life.

I promise to always give you time where it's just the two of us.

I promise to be honest with you. I won't sugar-coat the world but I will also always let you know that you have a lot of people who treasure you and they will always help keep you safe. I promise not to forget, when you're old enough, to teach you how to stay safe -- even though I don't want to admit you could ever need it.

I promise to always put a little magic in your life.

I promise that sometimes I'll love you so much it makes me cry, and that no matter how old you are I will still sneak looks at you while you're sleeping, playing and living life.

I promise that there will always be people who love you so much it's amazing, and we will be there for you no matter what.

I promise to never stop reading parenting magazines and books, talking to mothers, and listening to my heart so that I grow as a mother.

I promise to realize that you have to make your own mistakes sometimes and it's not my job to protect you so much that you never experience life. I'll do my best to give you room to fall off the jungle gym, date a guy with blue hair or take a year off college. If your daddy has to superglue my lips together, I swear I'll hush and be supportive!

I promise you, you do not know yet, the unique and wonderful spot you fill on this planet.

I promise you need to participate in hope to make things happen.

I promise you will never find the place where all the odd socks go.

I promise happiness is a choice.

I promise if I could spare you from the pain in the world, I would.

Here is the BIGGIE. This one has a 100% Guarantee attached.
I promise to LOVE you with everything I am, everything I was and everything I will be.

I love you Little Girl
Always and Forever

Written: 04/17/2010

The Beginning

When I found out that I was pregnant , it was one of the happiest and most exciting moments of my life. I was awed by the fact that I had a living being growing inside of me. I spent hours visualizing what my baby would look like, talking and singing to her, caressing her, and beginning to plan for our new family.

However, as my love for my baby grew with each new day, so did my apprehension about whether or not I would be a good mother. Would I know how to take care of my baby? How would I contribute to her happiness or unhappiness? How could I make sure that she treated others well, that she felt secure, that she was on the right path? What was the right path? I became overwhelmed thinking about the responsibility of being a good parent

I started to think more about the way in which my parents taught us, how they made us feel loved, and how easy it was for us to communicate. During my pregnancy I was inspired to make commitments to myself about how I could emulate what I had learned from my parents, as well as from other family members, ancestors, friends, books and from my own experiences in life. My hope was to give our baby a childhood filled with wonder, magic, adventure, and mystery. And I felt intuitively that the time to start was while she was still a part of me — I somehow knew she would be listening.

So I started to write down promises to myself and to her. These promises were inspired by all the love and hope that I felt for her and by the anticipation of who she was going to become. As I wrote, I realized that each promise was inspired by something that I myself had actually experienced or learned. I started to write down the stories, memories, and lessons that I wanted to share with her as she grew up, as well as the values and intentions I myself needed to be reminded of as I faced the challenges of parenting.
As a result, I have pages upon pages of notes, letters, stories and quotes that I want her to one day see. This blog will be a work in progress, and I will continue to add all my thoughts and feelings as I go.
If your reading this, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I got out of writing it. Or at least a good chuckle out of my idiosyncrasy.
Thank-You in advance for taking the time to read The Things I Want Her to Know.

credit: M.C